You’re dying

/You’re dying
You’re dying 2017-06-02T13:00:57+00:00

depressed“You’re dying”.

I felt in his eyes a momentary retreat, during that single moment I hoped that he would say no more. But his look became harsh again and he continued.

“You’re not anything like, what you were supposed to be…”

My voice came out muffled, “I was supposed to be?” … he ignored me, as if I hadn’t spoken a word.
“You were given a gift; all of you were given a gift. You could use it to look at the future, to create and to make decisions that would benefit all of us. It was just a tool, but it became your ego. Today, none of you has the slightest clue of who you are. The remaining nuggets of your real nature are dying day by day. Human is going to be dead soon and it will be his empty shell you’ll see wondering around in the streets…. his carcass”…

… “you surrendered your existence. You were enslaved so slowly that you didn’t realize what you’ve become. You and the ones alike you, are alive just because it still needs you, to continue reign. It took from you the ability to communicate, it divided you, it thinks on your behalf, it has become your will.

You’ve reached at a point where you call cure as illness and everything is grumbled in you mind”…. “human …, the ants are freer that you are”. I couldn’t understand a thing of what he was saying, but he didn’t give me the impression that he intended to make me understand. There was nothing behind his anger. I was simply present during someone’s furious monologue, against my kind.

He moved as if he wanted to show me the books I had by the fireplace.
“You had all the knowledge at your disposal and today you celebrate your ignorance”…
He looked back at me. His voice had lost its vigor, his anger was weakening.
… “as if human wasn’t enough, it tries to conquer every form of life. In that way it thinks it will dissolve every attempted reaction. Every time you fantasize an alternative scenario, it will be just another battle it’s going to win. A battle it’s going to win against you, not us; it can not touch us”… “it’s never going to touch us … human” .

I had seen this scene before, but I never said anything about it, his eyes flooded with tears. My mind flew to the past. Back then it was another dog, it was a couch dog. It had been a bad day for me, one of those that nothing goes right. He just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I yelled at him with an unbelievable anger and then … it happened.
The dog’s eyes welled up with tears and my soul was electrocuted. I’ve never had felt so guilty before in my whole life … I was ashamed.
I had made a dog tear up. I fooled the truth, saying to myself that dogs don’t cry, as humans, but that guilt, that shame, that numbness inside me, always reminded me of the truth. If there’s something inside us that detects sin, it was that feeling that I had.

I heard Marcius’ voice again, but I was still in the past. That other dog was still in front of me. “You were the most amazing creation of this world”.
Shame made me bend my head down.
“Look at me”… tears had disappeared and he had that angry look again.
He looked at me for a few moments, that I’ll probably never know how long they really lasted.
His eyes imposed a unique and unusual silence on my mind, everything inside me was still. The only thing that existed was his look, no thought, no time, no fear. It was sublime. Nothing I’ve ever lived could compare to that. It wasn’t an emotion either … this was unknown.

I got lost in that sensation. I didn’t know if I was still alive or dead. The reality limits were dissolved…. I had vanished, but I was … “impossible” … was I blissful?
Then I realized, he was inside me … he was searching; I saw it in a slight eye movement. I saw a tiny hope in his expression, as if he had found what he was looking for.
Everything changed in a blink of an eye. I only heard him growling and I felt my right wrist burning.
I jumped out of bed, all sweaty and I could hear the rain hitting the tiles even harder now. Marcius was sleeping on my feet; it was just a dream I was welled up with an unbelievable relief, that didn’t last long … my hand … I couldn’t feel it…

See how it started … here