dogNot like that…

I was wondering around the house, like a wounded wild animal, not being able to decide if I should call for help or not. My arm was a lifeless object hanging from my body. Soon panic started conquering me, what would I do, how would I work, how would I live?

Then I understood the meaning of the dream. My mind made up this story, compounding everything I was feeling, Marcius who was sleeping on my feet and of course what caused my arm to paralyze. I almost forgot my panic, for a while, and admired the logic that managed to find the key of the puzzling and weird dream. I remembered the eerie voice saying “you’re dying” and in my dog’s place, I imagined myself warning me about the danger while I was sleeping.

Suddenly, I had difficulty breathing and I felt a burn in my chest that made me freeze.

“My heart”, a pain ran along all of my nerves but my dead arm’s.

I kneeled…I couldn’t even reach the phone, not that it would matter, I was far away from my people anyway. My heart was beating irregularly; I had never felt like this before. I could hear my heart struggling to avoid what was coming, “my God, I was dying”…I reached the floor with the only hand that could support me and made an effort to take a deep breath…

“Marcius”…I couldn’t die…not now, not like that…”Marcius”…

It would take days until someone found me…I clenched my fist and let be flooded by one word, “no”…looked at the phone, I had to reach it. I started crawling on the floor, but didn’t go far, exhaustion made me fall on my back. I heard him coming closer, until I saw his face, “my dog”…I always knew it would end like that, with me on the floor, alone with my dog. He couldn’t understand what was going on, he may believed this was one of our games, “no…he will be left alone”, I gathered all my strength in one last breath… “no”.

I heard him growl and at the sane time a kind of electric current immobilized my whole body, something held me still, something nailed down every inch of my body, “this is it, I’m over”… I was living my death for a few seconds, until I realized something else was going on.

I couldn’t move my eyes, but I could see. I was feeling as if ten tones were put on my chest, keeping me still and paralyzing everything. I could even feel my paralyzed arm, but couldn’t move.

I concentrated in order to understand what exactly was happening to me. It was clear that “this” was coming form the outside. It wasn’t a mind game. Marcius continued to growl at something, but it was out of my vision field.

I could recognize the voice, it was…mine.

“Whatever you’ve learned up to now is wrong”…
“…You’ll be trained from the beginning, until every shred of false knowledge vanishes. You’ll learn from the beginning, what you are and why you’re here. You’ll learn to value appropriately everything and everyone around you. For that purpose, you’ll be assigned a teacher to guide you. If you ignore him even once, it will mean your end. Starting from today you forget that you existed… or you thought you existed. From this day on you’ll be just someone who is being trained”.

He disappeared… the first thing I moved was my arm. Marcius stopped growling and he put his head on my chest. I ran my fingers across his furry neck and was overwhelmed with a sense of safety. “The oxygen”, I thought, “this happened because of lack of oxygen”, I admired myself, once more, for thinking logically. “I passed out for a while”. I remembered my effort to breathe… “of course”

A whistle in my ear caused such a pain that my thinking stopped.

I was the only one who could hear it; Marcius seemed indifferent. I attempted, for one more time, to explain what was happening. The sound was so acute that I almost fainted. This banned…my thinking. There wasn’t a voice any more, but I could feel it; this, somehow, prohibited me from thinking, it was clear. I couldn’t stand it, felt like I was passing out. I remembered… “you’ll be assigned a teacher”, I held Marcius tightly and let darkness conquer me.

To be continued

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